Ok, so I want to just go to bed but I need to get this out before I go to sleep because I will not be able to express this properly in the morning after a good nights sleep. The feelings will be gone and I will not write about it and I feel I need to write about this because I am hoping that my ramblings can help someone else that is struggling with the same thing...unless I am the only one with these issues.
Tonight, my body is tired after going to the gym and having a, well the only way to say it is, a sucky workout. I had planned to do 1 hour of cardio and 1/2 hour of stretching...but that didn't happen. I arrived at the gym at about 7:30 and got into my workout clothes. Now, to make this clear, when I walked into the gym, I was emotionally and physically tired and was wondering if I should actually go to the gym. There are times when going to the gym when feeling emotionally tired and stressed is a good thing. Add in being physically tired and you have a recipe for disaster...as in my case tonight!
I think there is a huge difference between being emotionally or physically tired. When I am physically tired, I can overcome the tiredness by resting and getting a good sleep. When I am emotionally tired, I can get myself into alot of trouble with food and negative thoughts. It is much harder for me to overcome the emotional tiredness/stress.
I know that I am still an emotional eater and I will likely be one for the rest of my life, like a recovering alcoholic. They are alcoholics for life. What I need to do is to break the connection between my emotions and food. Does anyone know how to do that? Is it something that I have to work out myself? Can anyone ever fully recover from being an emotional eater or am I going to have to struggle with this for the rest of my life?? Why do I turn to food for emotional comfort? These are all questions that I would love to have the answer to.
I feel so tired right now and emotionally drained that I just really want to go to bed. But I need to say a little more about my feelings tonight.
I did only 25 minutes of cardio at the gym and a bit of stretching and then decided to call it a night and I went into the sauna and had a shower. I cut my workout short because I was physically and emotionlly tired and my body is sore. My knees are sore, my hip is sore and I have something going on with one of my legs that is giving me a lot of pain.
While I was working out, I was thinking of the Johnny Miles 5 km race that is on Sunday. I have a goal to run the 5k in under 30 minutes. I was thinking about how I was going to work through the pain and reach my goal. I got to thinking that if the pain is still there on Sunday there is a very rare chance that I will be able to reach my goal. I don't like it when my goals are not reached and then I feel like a failure. I started thinking that I may be better off not running in the Johnny Miles at all. If I don't run than I can't fail...right!?!? Oh, the negativity!
Now when I was leaving the gym I was feeling like a failure because my workout was sucky and I had the desire to eat pizza. I know that the only reason that I want the pizza is due to the fact that I feel emotionally tired. I really don't want to eat for emotional reasons. I want to eat because my body needs fuel. I started feeling worse because I realized that I was still an emotional eater and I thought that I had made some progress in that area. Apparently, I still have a lot of work to do with this. This added more fuel to the fire and I wanted the pizza more. But, I knew that I could not give into my feelings because that is what the old Dawn would have done. I want to change my life and to have the pizza because of emotional reasons would be taking steps backwards and I only want to move forward.
I wonder, if I had just went home instead of going to the gym tonight, would I have been faced with these feelings? Did I try to push myself to much and it backfired? Maybe I need to listen to my body and my feelings a little more instead of ignoring what it is trying to tell me.
At this moment, I am not sure if I have made progress with my emotional eating issue. My thoughts are starting to jumble together because I am soo tired. I think I will get some sleep and revisit my situation in the morning. Hopefully, a good sleep will help me to move forward with this.