I know it has been a while since I posted...please don't be mad!

I have a few things to update you on. The first being that I found out that my scale at home is no longer accurate. Remember when I posted that I had let go of 9 lbs in about a week and a half. Well, as it turns out my scale is off by about 6 lbs which means that I had let go of only 3 lbs in a week and a half instead of 9 lbs. Needless to say I was a little dissapointed when I found that out because I thought I had only 24 lbs to go and now I have 30 lbs to go. 30 seems like so much more than 24. I know that I will eventually get to my goal and I also know that it is more about how you feel than the actual number on the scale. I do feel awesome and I have to remember that I have some along way in a year...so what's another 6 lbs!

On February 18th, I was at work and was faced with MANY temptations. There were treats galore and it was really hard not to indulge and have some of them. I told my trainer about these treats and the temptations that I face at work sometimes and he told me to think of the treats as "contaminated crack needles that will kill you". I know that it sounds harsh but when you think about it, it really is true. People with addictions to crack and other drugs have an uncontrollable desire to keep doing crack which is definately something that can lead to their death. For me, my "crack", is food. I have been dealing with an addiction to food but we don't think of food as something that can kill us because we need to eat to survive. Eating one cheeseburger is definately not going to kill someone but years and years of eating unhealthy with no exercise can lead to health issues that can lead to death. So from now on, I am going to look at treats as contaminated crack needles that will kill me. If I envision them as crack needles, I am more likely to resist the temptation.

The same evening, I was leaving work and had planned to go to the gym to do an hour of cardio. I left work and pulled into the parking lot at Goodlife Fitness. I really did not feel like going to the gym which is really unusual for me. I had not had an opportunity to eat anything since lunch time so my body was really tired. I sat in the parking lot for a minute or two and decided to send a text to Todd, my trainer. This is what I said "I am sitting outside the gym...please tell me I don't have to go in". I didn't get a reply right away so I sat there for a few minutes longer. Then I decided to drive around town while I ate my orange. I went up the street and back down the street and I was starting to feel like I had more energy but by this time I was thinking that I should just go home anyway. So I headed for home.

I got to my road in St. Andrews and all of a sudden my phone started ringing. It was a text from Todd. This is what it said, "Horse pucky! When in doubt, tell yourself...Everytime I step in that gym I am changing my life forever!" I read it and I thought, "I definately want to change my life". So I turned around in the next driveway and went back to the gym. I ended up doing about 50 minutes of cardio. It felt really good to be there knowing that I am changing my life every time I go to the gym and I know that I made the right decision by turning around and going back. I must say that it is awesome having a trainer like Todd in my corner. He really understands my issues and he knows exactly what to say to keep me motivated. Thank You, Todd!

This is turning out to be a blog post about all my bad days and there have been a few lately. So here is another one for you...

On Wednesday February 23rd, I was planning to go to the gym to train my legs and do my normal amount of cardio. Well, I had been feeling really tired physically and mentally the days prior to that so when I got up in the morning I was questioning if I should go to the gym or not. I was feeling tired physically. Partly because I had worked really hard at the gym the day before and partly because I did not get as much sleep as I normally do and maybe my nutrition was not as good as it normally is.

My mental state was not great that day either. I was allowing myself to think very negatively. I was struggling with thoughts about my weight (the number on the scale). The scale has not really moved much in the last while and I was allowing myself to think that I was destined to be this weight forever. That maybe I was meant to be 215 lbs and size 14 - 16 FOREVER.

Also, I was planning to train my legs and my knee had still been bothering me and I allowed myself to think that I was not going to be able to get a good workout in with the way my knee felt (which I know is not true). I was very frustrated with my knee because I want to be running on the treadmill and doing lunges and my weighted sumo squats with full range of motion but doing all that really hurts my knee. I was also thinking that at this rate, my knee is never going to get better and it is going to keep holding me back. I decided to go to the gym anyway because I want to change my life and any workout is better than no workout. Right?

I went to the gym and did my regular warm-up, still thinking my negative thoughts. I went on to train my legs and usually I do 2 exercises and then I do something cardio based for 30 secs to get my heart rate up. Well, I skipped out on the cardio part using the excuse that it hurt my knee too much and went on with my work out. I finished all my exercises but 2 machines, the thigh abductor and adductor which works the inner and outer thighs. There was someone else on the machines so I decided to do some abs while I waited. I finished one set of abs and the machines were free. So I put my ball and weights that I use for my abs away and was on my way to the thigh machines. Well, before I reached them, someone else got to the machines. At this point I thought I might as well go home so I went to the locker room and sat there for a few minutes. I don't like leaving part of my legs untrained so I went back out and the machines were free. After, I decided to call it a day even though I had not done any cardio.

On my way out of the gym, I met Todd and he asked me how my workout went. I told him exactly how it was. That I was really not into it today and that I was allowing myself to think really negatively and this is what he said to me. "Each time we walk into the gym, we choose our mood. It is our choice to have a good day or a bad day." I know that he is right on this one. I allowed myself to have the negative thoughts which lead me to having a bad day. Had I choose to think positively, my day would have been way different. I told him that tomorrow is another day and I will make better choices.

You know what, the next day, I got up and choose to be happy and positive and I had an outstanding day!

So, I ask you, what mood/thoughts have you chosen to have today?

After reading this post, I think that you can see how invaluable it is for me to have a trainer. Not only do I need someone telling me what to do in the gym for physical exercise, I also need someone to make sure that my mind isn't my worst enemy!