I've Never Been To Me

The title of this post is the name of a song that used to be one of my favorites. The song is I've Never Been To Me by Charlene. You can hear it on YouTube by searching for the song or clicking on the link at the top of the page (if it works the way it is supposed to).

I still really like the song but it reminds me of my past so I think of it as one of my OLD favorites. I will tell you about my new favorite song later or maybe tomorrow.

Here are the lyrics to the song and after you read the lyrics, I will tell you why it was one of my favorites.

I've Never Been To Me by Charlene

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life

You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife

I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do

But, I wish someone had talked to me

Like I wanna talk to you...

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run

I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun

But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away

'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today

I can see so much of me still living in your eyes

Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies...

Oh, I've been to Neice and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht

I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got

I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

Hey, you know what paradise is?

It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be

But you know what truth is?

It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning

The same one you're going to make love with tonight

That's truth, that's love...

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete

But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs to much to be free

Hey lady...

I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)

But I've never been to me

There is a lot of the song that does not apply to my life but the biggest part that I feel applied to my life is what the title says...I've never been to me.

I have done alot of things in my life with playing sports. I have travelled to almost every province in Canada. I have been to The Netherlands and France on vacation. I have had supportive parents and friends and really can't complain about the many opportunities that I have had in my past. But the one thing that I really did not do in my past was figure out who I was. I never really got to know myself (so of course, how could anyone else really get to know me). I don't even really know how to say what I am trying to say here. I knew while I was listening to the song that I really did not know myself and I though of the song as, well, kind of my theme song (if a person can have a theme song). I tried to reflect on the song and thought that maybe I would find the answer to who I was in my reflection, but that really did not work for me.

I really did not figure out who I was until I finished my nursing course, started working and started letting go of many things that have been holding me back all these years. I don't know that I am really finished figuring out who I am...but I do know that I am not going to stop trying to know myself until I have peeled back each and every one of my layers and exposed myself to not only me but everyone else too! I hope you enjoy getting to know me.

I was thinking, if I was asked to describe myself, what words would I use. Here are some that I have come up with...

Honest

Loving

Strong

Hardworking

Loyal

Happy

If I was asked the same question a year ago, I would have used these words...

Sad

Worthless

Dull

Bitter

It is really difficult to type these words and I really don't want to be that person again so I am going to stop thinking of the words and only think about the positive.

In the song the singer, Charlene, talks about paradise. Think about what paradise is to you? Too many people think paradise is having a new beautiful home, a new car, going on vacation to exotic places, having all the brand name clothes and a lot of other STUFF.

To me, paradise is a place where I am happy. All I need to be happy is to love myself and be surrounded by family and friends that love me and accept me for who I am. You know what the best thing is...I am living in my paradise! I hope you are too.